Siddharth would keep telling me that why are you putting extra pressure on yourself? Why do you want to prove that you are a superwoman? Jab mera mann nahin karega toh main nahin karungi. I heard her and I kept the phone down and that’s when I told myself that enough, and I refuse to buckle. You know, an actress called me up and told me that however successful you are, but after marriage when your man comes home, you have to forget everything and be the best hostess and the best wife to him. Tell me why doesn’t anyone ask a hero when are you getting your wife pregnant? I was angry and I was bottling it up and it was affecting my health. Wherever I went, I was asked when am I getting pregnant? If I’m a public figure doesn’t mean you can ask me anything on a public platform. The media was either getting me pregnant or writing about problems in my marriage. Stuff about my personal life that was being written. Why were you angry? What was upsetting you? There was a lot of anger in myself which I was bottling inside. We have been conditioned to live in fear, and so we limit ourselves. We are always taught these self-limiting beliefs that jo socha tha usse bhi zyaada mil gaya toh ab bahut ho gaya. I think a lot of it has to do with our middle class upbringing and mentality. That’s when I stopped personalising anymore. So, by the time Bobby Jasoos released, I told myself that it’s the content that’s rejected. Eventually I realised that the audience perception doesn’t change every Friday, it’s only the industry’s perception that changes. Then I looked around and it was heartening to see Kareena (Kapoor) still doing well and Rani (Mukerji) who gave Mardaani after her marriage. He said, “question it but don’t believe it”. I also asked Siddharth that do you think our marriage has affected my career? He said this is a demon in your head and it’s after a while that your films haven’t worked, so it’s affecting you. So you felt as if your marriage had a negative impact on your career?įor a brief moment I did question it. When Shaadi Ke Side Effects also didn’t work, for a brief moment I did question ki maine shaadi karli toh uski wajah se are my films flopping? I was shattered when Ghanchakkar flopped. But at the same time, I didn’t want anyone to say that I was slowing down or losing interest in my career. I remember so many people asking me if I was sure I wanted to marry when I was at the peak of my career, but I was very sure about Siddharth (Roy Kapur) and that I wanted to marry him. How could I not? Because this is the only thing I’ve done in my life. Well, that’s some honesty but somewhere this hints of insecurity? I was putting tremendous pressure on myself not just to perform well, but also to prove to people that I wasn’t slowing down after marriage. That’s the reason I went ahead with Shaadi Ke Side Effects, which was my first film after marriage.
I wanted to get out of Ghanchakkar but since I had decided to get married the same year, I felt if I said no to the film, the industry would think ki chalo ab yeh shaadi kar rahi hai toh iska pack up! I didn’t want to send across that message. In 2012, when I had signed these films, I wasn’t keeping well. But nobody knows what I was going through during this phase. I had enjoyed the commercial success and the critical acclaim, so at some level I didn’t think it mattered. I don’t want to sound immodest or arrogant but after going on stage four years in row to get Best Actor (Female) trophies, I had proved it to myself beyond a point. How do you navigate the lows after experiencing the highs? In that respect Hamari Adhuri Kahani is an important film for you as it follows three flops (Ganchakkar, Shaadi Ke Side Effects and Bobby Jasoos).
Your career was soaring at one point and now there’s a lull. As for my incomplete love stories, of course I’ve experienced it but I’m glad that it remained incomplete. Happily-ever-after in films can get boring but in real life, it’s a must. That feeling of ho bhi sakta hai yaa nahin keeps it alive. It’s the uncertainty that makes us love incomplete stories. Anything incomplete is more real and raw.